Trying To Understand An Eternal Moment

Rose was gone from me, 250 miles. Too far for me to consider. There was a lostness I noticed. Something...trying to put my finger on it. The feeling or thought was: what if she had passed from this earth; was she really gone from me; is this what it would be like. It was only a few days but it stood as an eternal moment. It also made me wonder if I had known her at all, since I was in an eternal moment. What if I couldn't see her face, in my mind. How could I have forgotten her touch so quickly. It was as if she had been gone for a long time and I was having trouble recalling her touch; her lips against my lips; her embrace; the fun-lovingness she is. I was trying to remember her as if she had been gone for a long while. Is this what it would be like? Through my physical problems I have learned patience. I have learned to be still for hours, months. I have learned to want little; to do without; to let go of all I think I need; to be content with nothing. To have the Lord only. I wonder if that had something to do with it: the horrified feeling that I might be able to endure until I meet her again, though it could conceivably be decades for waiting. This depressed me from all angles of view. Looking down at myself I did not like what I saw. Depressed to not have her with me even though she was gone for a short few days. And now. The distance of time since her return and it is as if she had never left me; now sleeping in the room next to me. This thought of the eternal moment. She was gone for three days, gone for forever.