The Tranquility Of Pain

How do I return? Often, I return. To go back. To the pain. To the profoundness that it was. What was it? Did I pay attention? To there, the place, the destruction, the moments. No, these words are shallow. How do I capture? Those moments of my worst. Is it a comfort zone? Who am I to separate from it? Do I urge it back, to return to it each time? Do I desire the sickness? So that I might be taken back there? Back into the comfort of the misery, to capture again that tranquil place of pain, where I am brought again back to nothing and its miserable rest and its truth.